Attended a Singles Shabbaton recently. Big mistake. I should have known how bad it would be. When I called the organizer to register, she said "Wow, you sound MUCH more normal than everybody else".
I hadn't realized how normal I am, by comparison to most people in or near my demographic cohort (say, late 30s to early 50s) who are divorced or never been married. That's not my arrogance, it's what I'm told by many others.
One solipsistic guy at the Shabbaton, whom I nicknamed Rip Van Winkle, took a nap during the Rabbi's afternoon shiur...in the shul... laid down on the benches... after he took his shoes off.... showing his dirty socks to the rabbi and the Aron Kodesh. Then he started LOUDLY SNORING while the Rabbi spoke. Classy, eh?
At Shalosh Seudos, I sincerely asked him if he enjoyed his nap. But he didn't seem to be embarrassed about his behavior. I don't think this guy will EVER get married if he behaves as if only his own needs, desire, and preferences matter.
Most of the other folks (more guys than women attended) also seriously lacked some social skills and etiquette. Hate to be a snob about that, by my parents taught me well in those areas, even if it's bourgeois.
At least my host family was lovely, got to know another Orthodox community. The catered shabbaton food was OK. But the women were not all that interesting, and probably better than the guys (see Rip Van Winkle, above).
Most of the women were OK to talk to, though. I got to speak to most of them at least a little bit. Only two interested me at all. One of them didn't respond much to my interest, the other disappeared halfway through the shabbaton and never returned.
One woman there was a former Jdate contact who surprised me by showing up. We had met for coffee in the fall, she wanted to get together again. I had initially demurred because she was one of my "lied about her age and marital status" dates.
But at her request, I agreed to give her another chance. Of course, I called her twice to set up another date, and the ignored both calls.
So after the Shabbaton, I asked her what happened.
It turns out to be the usual: it was too soon after her separation, she admitted that she hadn't been ready to date, and had been too embarassed to tell me the truth.
No matter how many times a separated or recently divorced woman tells me she is ready to date again, she is NOT ready to date ME. She is needing time and other dating/relationship experience after both get and civil divorce.
That's my preference and requirement, not being judgmental. I know what works for me and what doesn't from my substantial experience dating divorced, separated, and recently broken-up people.
I'm sure many guys behave strangely after separation and divorce, too.
But I'm 0-0-2 to use a metaphor of sports records. No wins (marriages), losses (divorces), and two ties (break-ups before marriages that would not have worked). Not a losing record.
But I would like to get at least one win under my belt before my number is retired.
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I doubt that I'll attend another Singles Shabbaton. It's too much like the singles events that I've tried before becoming religious. I prefer doing activities where there is a point to being there besides meeting single people; it takes the pressure off.
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yes singles shabbatons are a pain in the neck . i only attend them very occasionally. i prefer singles events that are only a few hours in an evening.
ReplyDeleteAhhhh, you just gotta know which shabbatons are worth it and which should be avoided like the plague.
ReplyDeleteGet hooked up with NotYourTypicalWeekend on facebook. They already did their back to camp weekend which is packed with great outdoor activities that serve as smooth icebreakers. A good portion of their crowd are normal (cept me, of course)