Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Women With Phone Problems

Sorry for the delayed output recently. New job is going well, which means I'm very busy. Another week or two and I hope to return to more frequent blog posts.

***

So, what's the deal with women and voice mail?

Women whom I phone socially seem to have problems using phones and voice mail. Specifically, they can't seem to retrieve messages and/or return calls.

I have lost track of the number of times over the years that I have left multiple voice mails for women and not gotten called back. When I ask (in person) weeks or even a month later if they got my voice mail, the answer is invariably, "No".

Typically: 15 years ago, I met "Ann" at a shabbos dinner hosted by a mutual friend. After shabbos, the host called me and said "Ann thought you were very nice and said I could give you her number if you wanted it".

So I called Ann. No answer, left a voice mail. After a week without a call back, I called again. Again, no answer. Again, I left a voice mail. Never heard back from her. Five months later, I bump into the host of the shabbos dinner who said that Ann had recently asked why I never called her.

Go figure. This woman was a brilliant engineer, no kidding. And she couldn't use a phone and voice mail properly.

This has happened MANY times over the years.

In the last 12 months alone, three women have also failed to return my calls after I left multiple messages for each, separated by at least a week between each message. I was eventually able to make contact in-person with all three. I asked all three if they had gotten my (multiple) messages. No for all three.

All of these women who can't seem to use voice mail and telephones in general are professionals. All responsible, successful. I bet they dare not fail to return calls for work. So why the technological challenge in their social lives?

Is this a manifestation of The Rules that make men chase and make women "unavailable"? Or do women put their technological skills in stand-by mode after 5pm?

Opinions, please?

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Homeless Jew

Been offline for a few days because of workload.

Israel Memorial and Independence day celebrations were moving and inspirational for me. Hope yours were same.

***

Homeless man showed up at minyan yesterday. Asked for food and money. We all gave him money and kosher food from the shul kitchen.

He borrowed tefillin and he davened!

A homeless fellow Yid. Broke my heart.

I gave him and his one bag a ride to the JCC so he could shower at the gym. He was grateful and I wished him luck.

I hope he can get where he was going and find a decent job and housing.

We must not forget the unique needs of fellow Jews who are in trouble, needs that non-Jews do not have, the need to fulfill mitzvot.

***

I have a relative who is homeless. Mentally ill, refuses to take or stay on medication. But very high-functioning. Nobody in the family can do anything for him, except get him a small amount of money when he's in great need. He won't accept any other help and doesn't want to be a burdren to others.

His own immediate family won't have anything to do with him. I can understand their thinking, but when it comes time to take care of his final needs, I will do it. Even before I became religious, I decided that if nobody else in the family would ever attend his funeral, then I would.

He's family, he's a Jew, and someday he will depart this life. I want to provide him some measure of dignity at that time.


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Friday, April 16, 2010

Friend of Friend

Gut Shabbos!

Got a call this morning from a rabbi who knows me. He got a call asking to provide a reference check on me for a shidduch. The rabbi asked my permission to tell what he knows about me (all that he knows of me is good, of course). We chatted about the shidduch process, too.

The call received by the rabbi catches me by surprise.

It's been months since I gave my information to a friend who had a friend who knew a shadchan (the one who called the rabbi) who "might know somebody" in my area. I'm always grateful for effort on my behalf, but I tend to set my expectations in such a way as to not be disappointed if nothing comes of a kind offer.

I'm slightly skeptical because the shadchan is allegedly trying to evalute me for her sister. Conflict of interest in shidduchim can be problematic. But I'm grateful nonetheless.

Only a good things can come of it. A new friend or perhaps more, or nothing less than the blessings that  I already have been given.

I'm already grateful for the smile left on my face by the rabbi's call.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Premature Resurrection

"Surprise, surprise, surprise!", to quote Gomer Pyle, USMC.

The gal from Bye-Bye-By-Text-Message a month ago and who resurfaced on JDate and Frumster earlier this week has texted me again , "Things didn't work out with my ex... How was your Pesach?"

The flaky behavior is prima facie evidence of Premature Resurrection, i.e. dating after divorce before being truly ready.

I'm tempted to see where it goes, but I think it's a trap; I don't like to date recently divorced women.

Maybe I should daven for strength to resist this trap and to say Tehillim for finding a mate.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

First Half of an Already Weird Week

After "Bubbe" from Frumster.com changed her mind last week about pursuing anything, and then my ending communication with 2 women from Jdate, more surprises so far this week (and today is only Tuesday):

1) A woman I dated just as I was starting to explore frum life (and who didn't want any part of it) has found herself in a new, serious relationship.  I'm happy for her, but for the first time in over a year, I'm wondering if I should consider giving up on frumkeit. Had I not become religious, she would have been a great match for me.

2) And I just found out that another woman whom I met about 5 years before I went on the derech has (re)married. I'm happy for her, too, because when I met her, she was so nervous about meeting me and about dating again after a long marriage that she showed up inebriated for our first date and apologized for having had a few drinks to calm her nerves.

3) A friend insists that I come to some Israeli folk dancing sessions with him because he thinks there's a woman there whom I should meet. But my new ambivalence about mixed dancing leads me to think that a non-frum woman is probably not gonna like my kippa and tzitzis. If I go, should I go bare-headed and tucked like I do on a job interview?

4) Another JDate.com woman who previously decided to get back together with her "ex-" over a month ago is back on Frumster and looking at my profile again.

***

My Weirdness Meter is beeping louder as the week goes on. I hope at least Shabbos will not be weird.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Bubbe Doesn't Want to See Me Anymore

Bubbe doesn't want to see me any more.

Not referring to either of my own grandmothers.

I mean a woman from Frumster.com with 4 children and two grandchildren. And she's 2 years younger than I am.

Had lunch with her before Pesach on way home from a trip to visit some family. And we've talked on the phone every few days.

It wasn't instant bashert but I thought it was worth at least a second date.

She doesn't feel it will work. Fine.

Next!

Recently, a local woman from Jdate didn't look at all like her picture and doesn't want to be religious. My profile says, "Modern Orthodox". I wish I could understand why she wrote to me if religious observance is an issue.

Next!

A religious Jdate woman in NYC never wanted to even chat on the phone despite my offers to call, after a month of us emailing each other "How was your Shabbos?" So when she sent me a "How was your Pesach?" email this week, I replied that I'm no longer interested in communicating.

Next!

A lovely woman in my metropolitan area has hinted more than once of her interest (or at least curiosity) about me, has sent me some seemingly mixed signals, and also told me that she isn't sure where she wants her current relationship to go. I would prefer to avoid the "Extant Boyfriend" problem again, so I've told her that I hope her current relationship works out, but that if something changes, she should let me know. Until she's free...

Next!

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Friday, April 9, 2010

Return of the Motzei Shabbos Blues

Recently attended a live performance by J.D. Souther. Great music and stories about his times with Glenn Frey and The Eagles, dating Linda Ronstadt, and living downstairs from Jackson Browne.

... it makes me think I should write some "Motzei Shabbos Blues" lyrics to the tune of Glenn Frey's Smuggler's Blues

***

Shabbos is now ending late until we turn back the clocks after Daylight Savings Time ends.

With the late Motzei Shabbos come the Motzei Shabbos Blues.

Return from Havdalah at shul to an empty house. Married friends doing things with spouses. Divorced friends doing things with their children. None of the very few singles in my community want to go out late on Saturday night, much less with FortyFrumThing ( I have weird taste in culture: dark humor films, music not generally associated with Middle-Aged-Jewish-Guys, etc.)

My secular friends will already be out for the night, not waiting on a shomer shabbos friend.

Motzei Shabbos is becoming my least favorite part of the week. :)

Maybe the local late night Rock-and-Bowl bowling alley will appeal to me.

UPDATE: Ended up going bowling with a buddy whom I invited along while his family was out of town. From my score, you would never know that I used to be a decent bowler.

***

I'm planning on closing my Jdate.com and Frumster.com accounts. I've promised myself that I won't use them again.

I wonder if I can be absolved of that vow during Hatarat Nedarim (annulment of vows) when the Days of Awe come around this year...?

***

Anybody have the sheet music for Smuggler's Blues?

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Hope and Moshiach

Attended my first Moshiach Seudah at Chabad last night before Maariv. Everybody had their turn to say something relating to Moshiach.

I now realize that when it feels like there is no hope for anything, there is still hope, because Moshiach is certain to come and usher in Redemption and a kind of perfection of the world including resurrection of the dead.

In that world, I will have what I seek even if I don't find it all in this lifetime.

So there is always hope.

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