While waiting for Mincha minyan to start, a long-time member of my new shul told the story of how some changes to shul policy were made.
It seems that for many decades a long time ago, my shul allowed mixed dancing. The current rabbi, when he arrived some 25 years ago, gently suggested a change in policy to prohibit mixed dancing. It created some heated debate amongst the board members, goes the story.
Ultimately, a policy compromise was adopted to prohibit mixed dancing at shul-sponsored events, but private functions for which the social hall was rented could have mixed dancing.
That story made me realize how far I've come. I'm now ambivalent about mixed dancing in general, but I kind of like that it's not part of frumkeit. I still appreciate the athleticism and beauty of classic and modern forms of dance, but I also see how mixed dancing is related to yetzer ra.
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When I was a young(er) non-observant Jew in the Conservative movement, I sometimes went out with dates and friends for mixed dancing at night clubs. It was a lot of fun, I admit. But it was very wrong in some ways, as I now see, and not the most productive use of time if one is seriously dating for marriage, as opposed to just having "fun".
Going along with some aspects of pop culture was what I did then, including "Dirty Dancing". I never used drugs, not even once. I tried to avoid casual relationships with women, but I did consume some adult beverages from time to time.
Having inhibitions lowered by alcohol and by primal beat of pop music did indulge my yetzer ra to some degree. I wasn't dating anybody seriously, so it didn't matter, right?
Looking back, the quality of my life and the amount of fun I've had would have been no less had I avoided mixed dancing. I simply would have had different fun.
I had not been acting like the young gentleman I had been raised to be, the serious and "good" boy whom I was when I first got out of college. I had internalized the popular culture values and moved away from the values I was raised with, the values to which I would eventually return as a FortyFrumThing.
The people around me then knew me as a nice guy who could "let his hair down" once in a while without any intent of doing ill. But it was wrong to allow myself to be tempted by yetzer ra. I just didn't know it at the time, because tznius, shomer negiah, and frumkeit were unknown to me.
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Nu, I'm glad that there are standards in my new community that are stricter than those manifested in popular culture. Those standards have helped me rediscover the Good Boy that I used to be.
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You'd be surprised how common mixed social dancing - as in formal shul balls, not discos - were "back in the day." I found out they were pretty regular events at my own shul for a while, until the (then) new Rabbi came in and also directed the congregation in a frumer direction. My shul has always been orthodox (going back to the mid 1800's), but the social dancing thing was in American shuls up until around the 70's (maybe 80's?).
ReplyDeleteThanks for the link, by the way.