If a tree falls in the forest then does anybody hear it? If my life does not make a difference and lasting impact then does my life matter?
I am often complimented on my mentschkeit, my delving into frum life without benefit of a family of my own, and my potential as husband and father. Sounds like something to be proud of, right?
But such compliments create a cognitive dissonance in my mind. If I have such wonderful middos then why don't I have the things in my life that would be evidence and manifestaions of those middos? My emunah is not yet strong enough for me to totally accept HaShem has a plan for me. It would be easier if I knew the details of that plan for me.
***
I attended a shiur during which the rabbi said that to focus on what we don't have is an affront to HaShem because it keeps us from feeling grateful for what he has already given us.
That shiur helped me better appreciate what I do have. But I have a visceral sensation that something is still missing.
I hope that everybody can feel appreciated and important in a way that means something to them.
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