I appreciate shidduchim. I've made four (4!!! out of 6 attempts) myself, all resulting in marriages and children, so I'm guaranteed a place in heaven. But I would rather be guaranteed a place under the chuppah.
I've been the target of some kind but not-terribly-thoughtful offers to be set up that I've received since I went on the derech. Many wonderful people in the modern Orthodox community, who have been married so long that they don't recall what it's like to date, seem to think that, "He's single. She's single. It must be a match!"
Thought is rarely given to compatibility of personality and social skills. I can talk with almost anybody about almost anything; I listen, and ask questions and usually get women to open up. If I can't, then the problem is probably not me.
And then there's hashkafa. Many well-meaning people in my frum community encourage me to date women in the Conservative and Reform movements (who do not keep kosher or shabbos) or women who are totally secular. I'm open to future converts and future Baalei Teshuva but odds are that I'm not likely to make a connection with them when basics like Shabbos observance and kashrut are seen as odd and limiting by non-frum people.
***
At least my married male friends try to exert veto power over their wives' bad suggestions. But they inevitably defer to their wives with "It's worth a chance, you never know."
Please, everybody, keep in mind that every disappointing date and shidduch attempt takes a toll on a single person, so put a little thought into it.
And do everything you can to make your own marriages work. You don't want to be "out there". Trust me on that.
No comments:
Post a Comment